A short, little Schlecht penis sized recap this week as it was just the play-in games into the real playoffs while the mentally challenged members of the league sat on the sidelines eating their pudding. Sorry for the delay in getting this thing up. But after seeing Julio Jones take my playoff run out of my hands catch by catch…well, lets just say my computer had a similar experience as in this gif..
Schlecht gets to dance at least one more as he has defied all the odds and actually ended up in the final 4. After a horrendous start to the season he has come on very strong and out together a team that has a legit shot at bringing him home his 2nd hammer. But I didn’t go without a fight. Schlecht and I had the 9th highest scoring matchup of all time and of the 10 highest scoring match ups this was the 3rd lowest in margin of victory. It is also just one of a handful of times that a team has comeback by more than 30 points on Monday night when there is not a QB involved. So i hope all you bastards liked the show we put on for you.
Crazy what can happen in two weeks. Before lasts weeks games Montmich was out of the playoffs looking in and Noah was thinking he was secure with a first round bye. And just 2 weeks later Montmich has got himself into the playoffs, Noah lost his bye and now lost his 1st round game and is looking at best a 5th place finish. While the little grease ball that could somehow keeps his awful season alive and moves into the final 4. There may have been some debate before but now I think it would unanimously agreed that Montmich has the luckiest team in the history of fantasy football. Tyler getting into the playoffs last year was a fluke, Montmich getting into the playoffs and winning a game makes that look absolutely common. Its like The Helen Keller School For The Blind getting into the college football championship playoff. Either way the matchup is over now and the two Mike’s move on towards glory while Noah and I are left playing for an old fashion.
But before we end this recap I figured id give you all a treat because it is so short. So here are my hand selected best of recap quotes from 2014.
-Noah beating Steves Favorite Cum Target “It might have been heartbreaking for Sko when Steve finally pulled out of him and explained this to him in their post-coital cuddling.”
-Will Steve run train on Sko all year? (Well that one is easy.)
-Montmich will be thanking all the Italian Gods (Mostaccioli, Lasagna, Grease Ball, and Pirlo. Those are your Gods right?)
-who is destined for that shit stained Shaft. (sorry about the shit stains, I was feeling a little lonely one night after eating some Q’doba)
-People say some things are better left unsaid, to those people I say “You have clearly never been in first place in your fantasy you fucking loser.”
-“The Famous Cock Blasts Zoltan Da Munificent”-courtesy of Yahoo
-I hope that the computer virus I know you all have from the kinky porn you all (midget bestiality, Noah? Really? Sick Fuck.) watch comes up and makes you stare at dicks until I get my players.-The insult that started a rivalry that will culminate in a never seen before 2 week no holds barred matchup for a hand job.
-Haskins gave Sko a bigger dickslap than Steve ever does.
-While Dan spent all day and all night Sunday puking the beer, booze, coke, meth, X and hooker blood out of his body from his birthday weekend, Schlecht spent it biding his time, slowly taking the lead and eventually dancing his way to his first victory of the season.
-You know the saying, you cant teach a dead dog how to stop decomposing into the pile of waste that it is. Or something like that.
-He has also gotta start hoping that if that is the case the maybe Thor would take some Hostess bars or some Little Debbies in place of his soul, because Tyler has a shit ton of both of those.
-But really, Steve really enjoys pooping all over Sko. Like everywhere. Its a mix of marking his territory and degrading Sko at the same time. Pretty smart guy Steve is. A complete fucking whacko, but a smart guy nonetheless.
-Dan played Sko. Sko won by a lot. No one really cared. Insert Steve/Sko anal joke. Fiddle yourselves while you laugh.
-Me to Dan Weltzin “You are getting beat at your own game by a guy who basically lets his cat decide which players to pick up because he is too drunk to use a mouse.”
-I really dont know what you did to piss Thor off so badly Dan, but you better hope that you can make it right real damn quick. Maybe a quick trip to Norway is in order? But you might want to pack more than just some jean shorts for the trip. Thor hates jean shorts.
-I also couldnt help but notice Mr. Tuesday Night Statman still has not gotten his stat line out yet. Put a tampon in and quit your crying Dan Weltzin and get us some stats.
– Dan playing someone who was marked Out on injury report “Or even more Classic Dan and he just felt like disrespecting Jordan and wanted to show he could beat him with one less player.”
– Only to find out that specifically because of how poorly Montmich played in the game that Whitewater will never be allowed to play in the NCAA tournament again. Something to do with the entire NCAA being so appalled that Whitewater would let someone as bad as Montmich onto the pitch that there was no way they could allow them into the tournament, no matter how many games they won. Or something like that
-And then Montmich tried to play it off like he didn’t care because he cared more about the NCAA deciding to let Whitewater into the tourney as long as Montmich promised to be in Qatar during the games. Or once again something like that.
-Calling out Noah “Like my idols, Babe Ruth, Ray Rice and AP im calling my shot and telling you its gonna be me that knocks you out of the playoffs.”
-Anytime I get to use Steve’s Favorite Cum Target
-The phrase “Butt Fuck It
-Schlecht talking about glory holes “Didn’t even realize that my match-up this week happened to also be the typical weekend afternoon activity for Yesko at Gagner: The Hole in the Wall? F*** it!”
-Welcome to Stat Guy, Week 7; Where all of our wildest dreams…don’t even come remotely close to being true. Which is a good thing. Can you imagine Connor Robert‘s? You sick mother…
-After Montmich crushed Dans playoff hopes “Is anybody with Dan Weltzin to make sure he’s ok and keep sharp objects away from him?”
-Sko loves my writings “Any time the words “insert” and “anal” are used in the same sentence you know you’re reading grade A literature.”
-Proud to say I got to add Ray Rice to that list by the end of the year “Connor with a douche bag, 2 pot heads, and now a child beater on his roster….”
-And lastly, my personal favorite of the year “Yes, Josh is Little Rage, we go by penis size when ranking the Rage Bros.”