What exactly has happened to our league? Can anyone explain whats going on? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller? We are alrady down to 2 undefeated teams and two winless teams and a shit ton of teams at 1-1. And these teams at 1-1 have been all over the damn board. The only constant we have had this year is is Jordan scoring under 100 points and me scoring above 100. We once again had a team just go off for a ridiculous week and it is probably the last team you would expect. And with probably the bigger news is we have already had a name change! The true sign of desperation of any team and we have it after 2 short weeks of depravity. With that lets get to the games.
And once again I get to start with a great gif symbolizing the beatdown of one team to another. And amazingly enough it was Tyler doing the beatdown this week. Dan, whilst taking this club dance routine, assured me he would get 100 points. He failed to do that and he failed to put up a fight. And Tyler just had his way with Dan. I cant believe I actually just wrote that sentence. It didnt help that Dan decided to play A.J. Green who, you know, actually, didnt play. But Dan could have played 5 extra A.J. Greens and it would not have made a difference at all. If Tyler can pull out games like this he might actually be going places this year. And Dan is gonna need to regroup and figure out what went so right last week and how it went so wrong this week.
Kick her while shes down. That alone describes the Rage vs Montmich matchup. Not only did Jordan have another down game, and an even worse one this week compared to last, but he also got beat by a Montmich team that only managed to put up 74 points. Its one thing to put up only 65 points, its another story to get beat when your opponent cant even manage 3/4 of a century. Montmich will be thanking all the Italian Gods (Mostaccioli, Lasagna, Grease Ball, and Pirlo. Those are your Gods right?) that even though he shot his wad early last week his premature fantasy team still was the first team to get their 2nd win. Jordan on the other hand takes his first loss of the year but is the last place 1-1 team by points scored and is really gonna need to get some offense going to not start this season in a rut.
The next matchup had our first team get to their second lose. The Cholistas. Unlucky Josh. Everything going right in his personal life. Girl way out of his league. A Jiu-jitsu gym that seems to advance his rank with no regard for the false confidence it is giving him. A classroom of lovable immigrants all to his own. But he just cant seem to get his fantasy team set. Last week he had a solid performance, this week just had nothing. 79 points and a great performance by Sko means Josh drops down to tied for 1st place in the race for the shaft. 119 points with a goose egg in the lineup is a very impressive showing for Sko but leaving people in the lineup who dont play is a mistake that cant be mad often or loses are gonna start coming.
They might just me man titties but those man titties moving around are the victory dance of Zach Haskins celebrating his first win of the season. An ok performance last week was followed up by a slightly better performance this week was enough to eek out a 10 point. win over Bularz. It wasnt a pretty week for Bularz with only his kicker, tight end and his dear, dear Patriots defense scoring above their projections. Haskins on the other hand played just about his perfect lineup and it was just enough to get the win and get those boobies moving.
This is the shame cube. Say hello to the Shame Cube everyone. The Shame Cube will be Michael Schlechts new home until he gets out of last place. Two weeks, two loses, both by more than 20 points. Now, granted, this week he did actually put up a performance not to be laughed at. But a 122 point game by my team means Michael drops to the bottom of the pile and I, for the first time in the history for the league, am tied for first place after the first week.
And so once again my friends, I say, WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED IN THIS LEAGUE! I am tied for first, Tyler scored more than 150 points, Montmich scored 75 and still got a win while Dan scored 96 and took a loss. Im just as confused as all of you. Week 3 coming up, lets see who can seperate from the pack and who is destined for that shit stained Shaft. (sorry about the shit stains, I was feeling a little lonely one night after eating some Q’doba) See you all again next week, Same Bat-TIme, Same Bat-Channel, to see if this league can get any more fucked up.