Week 13 – 2013

And so ends the regular season. Schlecht has officially completed a first to worst, Josh sold out on his team last year for nothing and Jordan and I are stuck double dutch ruddering each other in the Shafting again. And all of this is without even getting into the winners bracket. Tyler not only is in the playoffs but finishes as the 3rd seed, Dan went from having an incredibly hot start to being the last team in and Sko has gone up and down on Steve’s dick all season and his team has followed suit. Zach has been the epitome of cumming from behind as he not only came back from an 0-3 start but also has been taking people from behind unconsensually since week 4. Montmich was the laughing stock of the league early in the year and while we may laugh at him still behind his back its about things other than fantasy football. And that leaves Bularz who has unspectacularly had a spectacular season and has gotten himself a first round bye. But of course we still had the match-ups this week to get us to this point.
First was Dan vs myself, both of us not really able to move either into the shafting or out of the playoffs but both had the possibility of decent movement in our brackets. And we had quite the match up from the first game of the week with Stafford putting up 24 points to DeMarco one-upping that with 28. Dan killed himself by leaving Decker and his 4 tuddys and 44 points on the bench. In the end Golden Tate sealed up the win Monday night for me but it was already decided before that anyway. This loss takes Dan all the way down to the 6th seed but he catches a break and gets Tyler who locked up the 3rd seed. I think we all would have thought those 2 teams would be switched but this is how this fucked up season has gone.
Speaking of Tyler, he locked up that 3 spot by once again putting up a 100 point game and beating the very hot Haskins. Tyler has gotten hot at exactly the right time, winning his 3rd straight game as he beat Zach by more than 20 this week. Many jokes have been made at Tylers expense but he has not only made the playoffs but only missed out on a first round bye because of points scored. Zach, while losing, managed to keep his first round bye over Tyler because of points scored, so at least Tyler couldn’t fluke his way into the final 4 without winning a playoff game. Please, please, please Dan put this escaped mental patient down, end this joke of a fucking team. 2nd worst in the league in points scored yet finishes the regular season in 3rd place, a complete joke.
Josh has also completed his fall from grace. Well I guess you would have to actually fall for it to be a fall from grace. After packing it in last year and trading away his team for this season Josh went absolutely nowhere and did absolutely nothing other than grow facial hair that makes him look we would have fit in real well on To Catch a Predator. Please take a seat Josh, we need to talk about your fantasy team. It was MontMich who benefited from Josh’s horrible decisions this week. Those decisions this week included playing Rothlisberger instead of his 6th round pick and fantasy butthole pleasure, Russell Wilson, and playing Kenny “im the 6th option receiver behind a TE and 2 Rb’s” Stills instead of Doug Baldwin. Josh still put up 110 points, but like this whole year, he just didn’t have enough manpower to get the job done. Is it too soon to start looking forward to next years draft, which will undoubtedly be the bright spot for your season again next year. Montmich secured his playoff spot with a win and has shown his team can come up when it matters, can he keep that going when its life or death in the playoffs? Is he a Don Corleone or is he a Fredo? Will it be horseheads in the beds of his enemies or will he let himself get taken out by his own bad decisions? Time will tell.
Then we had Schlecht completing a real fall from grace, going from champion to the worst record in the league and is now the favorite to take the Shaft of Shame. While he has had a good couple weeks in a row he still ends the season on a loss to Sko. Sko needed this win to make sure he got into the playoffs and while it was close in the end, the loss by Josh made it so the win wasn’t even necessary. But Sko will take whatever he can get, even if that means just a girl looking at him as she sprints away from him at a bar. Sko has been capable of putting up big points this season but can he manage it when it really matters going into the playoffs?
Last he had a matchup with no real meaning with Bularz playing Jordan. Both were basically stuck in their spots but Bularz got the win and made sure he got that first round bye. IF Jordan would have won we would have had the crazy stat of teams 1-9 all being within 2 games of each other. As it goes with Bularz winning it’s just the team’s 2-9 being that close. There has been some crazy parity in the league this season. Bularz has been near the top the entire season and will end up at the regular season at the top but also with a big crosshair on that jew fro of his.
And that’s all she wrote for the regular season boys. To those of you in the running for the Hammer, I commend you and the season you have, lets these next 3 weeks be a test of your worthiness to hold the great Hammer. And to my competitors in the Shafting, I swear to Thor I will do whatever it takes to make sure I get rid of this Fucking Shaft. If it’s a Jason Kidd soda dropping, a Mike Tomlin sideline trip or a Shawshank style prison beatdown that puts you in a wheel chair the rest of your life, I will do ANYTHING to make sure this thing is off my desk as quickly as possible. 2 weeks cant come fast enough for me to fuck some bitches up.

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