Week 12 – 2013

This weeks recap will be brought to you by Sprint. Sprint: Where Productivity Goes to Die. And it was quite the week that gave us some idea of the playoff picture but also muddled it up quite a bit. Basically it was like every conversation MontMich has with a female, gives him some great new Harry potter fan-fiction ideas but also muddles the chance that the girl ever touches his lightning scared donger. But today is also a dark day. Tyler the gentle frutada clinched a playoff berth. We all laughed when he drafted Jonathan Franklin in the 5th round, we chuckled when he traded away dez Bryant, we all took our chances at beating the retard, but much like Eli in superbowls, the power of the extra chromosome kicked in and Tyler snuck by everyone and now has a chance at desecrating The Hammer. So this is a call to arms to everyone in the playoffs, a jihad if you will, please for the love of Thor don’t let him win that Hammer. And without further ado, let’s talk matchups.

Let’s start with a good one and an important one, my Iron Meat Curtain vs the Purple Heart Club.
A win for me here and I would have had a good shot at the playoffs, a win for Jordan really only got him a shot at crushing my soul and taking a shot at my B-Hole. And that’s exactly what that fagel did. It was a close matchup the whole weekend, and I could only get up to 88 points with Jordan still having Vernon Davis and the 49ers d to go. And the BBC (big black cock, not British Broadcasting) of both Davis and the D is what did me in. It didn’t help that I left 3 tuddys out with Boldin and Pettigrew. With the win for Jordan it ties me, him and the other Rage brother (?) in the 7-9 seeds.

And with that let’s segue into the gender non-specific Rage matchup. Josh had Haskins with Zach playing for a shot at a first round bye and josh just trying to claw his way into the playoffs with his “best team on paper”. It has been a long, hard year for Josh, and that’s just from the metal dildo kalene likes to use on him, fantasy football has been even worse for him. It was another rough day for him, he put up a respectable 109 and still took a pounding as Haskins put up 144 on the back of undrafted in our league Knowshon Moreno. Honestly Zach might have gotten the pick up of the year with Knowshon. Josh on the other hand might be biggest disappointment of a team if he fails to get into the playoffs. You sold your soul last season just to possibly miss that playoffs again this year. Does that mean you owe your soul to Loki twice now? Or does kalene already have dibs on it?

Next game. Bularz vs Schlecht. Well we all know how this game went. Wait a minute. What the what? Schlecht won? Bularz lost? The worst team in the league beat a consensus top 4 team? Bularz weren’t you just yapping your flappy vag about how it was bullshit you were in 4th in the power rankings? And now you have lost two weeks in a row to a team in the bottom 4. And failed to put up 100 points this week. Don’t you dare doubt pigs ranking abilities again you half-Jew piece of shit. The next time you escape from a gas chamber pig will be waiting for you, ready to rip your asshole out with his teeth like Schlecht did this week.

And on to other things that make me furious, Tyler won again. At one point Dan was in the fight for a first round bye, now he is tied with Tyler. This is just sad. Tyler did manage to break the 100 point barrier again, putting up 101 while Dan could only manage 88. Both teams are already in the playoffs so this loss doesn’t hurt Dan too much, other than his pride. Which has to be as destroyed as Skos dick after a night with Steve.

Speaking of Sko and beating dicks…Sko must have been beating his little thing after a big win over Montmich that gives him the best chance of holding on to that last playoff spot. It has been a very up and down, in and out season for sko and Steve but they have a chance to end it with a happy ending. Montmich finally ends his improbable run but this loss may come back to bite him because he still could get bounced out of the playoffs with the right combinations of wins and losses.

5 teams come into the final with with the possibility of getting the last 2 playoff spots. This should make for an interesting final week of the year because basically everyone but Tyler and Schlecht have something to play for still.

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